And Done

Well, it’s done.

Summer camp 2009 is over. When I walked into my house last night at 7:30 I had to sit down because I felt overwhelmed by the experiences of the past three months.

The Lord is good. Even as I sought to give to Him this summer He has given to me in an amazing way.

I think that the next post, or maybe next few posts, will be about the Camp Willow Run summer theme: Live the Life. It comes from John 10:10 where Jesus said “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” That verse, and the ideas connected to the summer theme, mean a lot to me. There are truths there that have changed my life and I was reminded of that each day this summer.

A summer at CWR: a glimpse of glory…

Why Dostoevsky Was Right (or Bear One Another's Burdens or I am Sorry)

I.
“I’m sorry.”

I usually hate not having anything better to say when I hear bad news. The phrase is an attempt to express sympathy, or maybe compassion. Or maybe it is just that “I’m sorry” is something I say when I feel bad.

“I’m sorry” usually feels like a poor choice of words. I have had people tell me not to say that because I had no reason to apologize. They said “I’m sorry” was just a meaningless phrase in such a context. I think it is just that I have a hard time finding anything better to say. I guess that is why it might be a good idea to just not say anything at all.



II.
Not too long ago I read Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov. It’s a big book that takes some time, but it’s worth it. One of the themes in the book is the connectedness of man.

It is captured in the words of the brother of Father Zossima as he neared death. He said, “Every one is really responsible to all men for all men and for everything. I don’t know how to explain it to you, but I feel it is so, painfully even.”

For a long time I really had a hard time understanding that statement. I heard Peter Kreeft explain it once, and that helped a bit. He said it is the reason why a person would feel shame if his grandfather had been a Nazi in the war. That made a little sense to me.



III.
I know of a little boy that has spent more than six months in a hospital in Minneapolis. He has been in a lot of pain. There are a lot of people praying for him. I am sorry for him.

I know of a girl my age that is suffering from a long battle with melanoma. She has gotten worse recently. I am sorry for her.

Some friends of mine just lost a baby. I am very sorry for them.

A friend of mine is struggling with depression. A friend cannot overcome his sexual temptations. A friend’s family is getting ripped apart.

I am sorry.



IV.
I sinned today. I sinned yesterday as well. Based on my record, I’ll probably sin tomorrow too.

I am sorry.



V.
I’ve heard that death and suffering entered the world through sin. I read somewhere that we have all sinned.

I think Augustine said that sin was the rejection of that which was good and beautiful. He said something like that...

Suffering, pain, and death – the work of sinners.

The wages of sin is death.

I contribute to the sin that is in the world. I often do it without even thinking twice.



VI.
I get it now. We are all connected. Dostoevsky’s Mitya was right: “We are all responsible for all.”

I understand why Father Zossima said that “every one of us is undoubtedly responsible for all men and everything on earth, not merely through the general sinfulness of creation, but each one personally for all mankind and every individual man.”

I am sorry and rightfully so.



VII.
Praise the Lord for redemption in Christ Jesus.

“Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!”

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’
And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’”

The Light of Ahoskie/ The Aulander Light/ The Early Station Light

About two months ago one of my friends and I rode around the lake to Nathaniel Macon’s grave. It is only about ten minutes from where I live. The grave, pictured here, is covered in a huge pile of rocks. They say that if you go there you need to throw a rock on the grave to keep him in it. I had been to the grave once before. It was with an older guy that had grown up in Littleton. We went during the day and we threw a rock on the grave for good measure. The second time I went, it was approaching two in the morning. We were so spooked we didn’t even leave the Jeep and we stayed there for maybe ten seconds.

We went to a couple of other places that night. My buddy asked me if I had heard about the Light of Ahoskie. He had been there once in high school. It is a bright light that hovers and flashes over the railroad tracks in the woods between Ahoskie and Aulander. He had seen it and I wanted to see it. We decided we would go before too long.

I have really had the light on my mind for the past week. I researched it some. You can find stories about it scattered around the internet. There are printed accounts of the light from the 1920’s on up to the present. Some stories even claim to go back to right after the Civil War. From my research I gathered that most people thought the light was either some sort of luminescent gas coming off of the swamp or else it was a decapitated railroad worker waving a lantern in search for his head.

I asked around a bit. As it turns out, a lot of people have seen the light at some point. Even more said that they had heard about it. Everyone’s story was the same.
Went at night to see it. Didn’t think it would really be there. Saw it. Ran.

So, I was determined to see it soon. Saturday afternoon I was hanging out with my buddy and we decided we would go that night after the NCAA basketball games. Before we left we were able to recruit three other guys who had come to work a retreat to go with us.

We left with flashlights, a map, and a couple of knives. Ahoskie is in bear country and we knew we would be out in the swamps and woods in the dark.

We determined that most people saw the light on the railroad between Ahoskie and Aulander. It was rumored that it could only be seen if you were walking from Ahoskie towards Aulander and not the other way around.

We went to Aulander and found the railroad tracks. We checked a couple of crossroads and didn’t see anything. Eventually we found a place called Early Station near Ahoskie. I knew from some of the accounts online that the light is referred to by some as the Early Station Light.

We had found the spot.

I pulled the truck off onto the side of the road. There were a few old houses around and the old abandoned Early Station was there. It was eerie.

We stood at the crossroads trying to figure out which direction the light was in. To the north a faint light could be seen, but it looked like artificial light. To the south was darkness. My buddy was sure that the light was to the south. We started walking down the track with our flashlights in hand, but off, and our knives in stow.

We walked two minutes and stopped. It was still nothing but darkness. We looked wondering if we had wasted our time coming out. A couple of the guys peered to the north.

The light was bright and unmistakable. It swayed from the right of the tracks to the left. The motion of it matched the chill that swept over my body. I was afraid that not everyone saw it, but it did not matter. It flashed again. This time it swooped in the other direction.

This was the point where everyone’s story became about a mad dash back to the road. I understood, but I wanted to go on.

One of the guys decided to go back to the truck. I was kind of grateful that he did because I did not like the thought of leaving my truck back on the side of the road unattended. He would end up waiting on us for somewhere between one and a half to two hours.

The remaining four of us walked towards where we saw the light. I wanted to be close enough to the light to touch it. I had already determined earlier in the week that I thought the light had to be either a phenomenal natural occurrence or the work of demons. Either way, I had decided that, as a Son of God and co-heir with Christ, I ought not to be concerned (Romans 8:15-17). If it was a natural occurrence then I wanted to enjoy it for the mysterious and wonderful gift that it was. If it was the work of the spirit world, then I decided that it would not be anything that the good Lord hadn’t encountered before. I was a little concerned about bears, but we had knives.

It was not clear how far away the light was. It was far for sure, but I figured we could get to it within twenty minutes. My intention was to trot ahead to the light, but the others thought it wiser to walk for a minute, stop, assess our current surroundings, and then continue. I am not sure if that was the better strategy, but it certainly spooked us out all the more.

The light continued to shine, flash and sway sporadically. Sometimes there would be several minutes between sightings, other times we would see it multiple times a minute. It was bright and sometimes it was faint. It swayed from side to side and sometimes it hovered in a still ball. It flashed quickly and sometimes it shone for a few seconds.

We went through a section where there were swamps on either side. To stumble off the tracks would mean a cold and murky mess. The swamp was frightening, but not nearly as frightening as what was ahead.

We could see the beginning of the woods. The tall pines were ominous and formed a much darker alley around the tracks. We hesitated for a few minutes before we entered the darkness.

Along the way, we heard occasional movement in the woods. While it could have been something as small as a squirrel, I always perceived that it was a bear preparing to attack... We would stop, wait, and then continue.

It got darker. I passed my flashlight off to one of the guys without one and kept one hand on my knife’s sheath and the other on the handle. Ready.

Again we stopped. We discussed if we should continue. The light appeared to be closer, but not quite close. One of the guys was ready to go back. The talk continued. I silently took to walking again. They then came too.

We made another stop. Watched the light. Guessed at how far away it was. Closer, but still not close.

It was dark and there was talk about what to do. We kept our eyes locked towards the south. Waiting and deliberating.

Then I noticed something.

The darkness was darker than it had been before. Previously, you lost sight of the tracks off in the distance. But then, as we stood, I noticed that I could not see further than maybe twenty yards down the track

Then, the light.
Brighter than it had been.
Closer than it had been.
It came from the right. It moved slowly in a bright haze to the left bar of the railroad track. It stopped and hovered there. Then, as my whole body tensed and I drew my knife, it moved slowly towards us. Then it disappeared.

No one was quick to speak. Though it was cold, I was sweating.

The talk resumed. Two flashlights were on and pointed at where we saw the light. Nothing but woods and railroad. The flashlights stayed on for a while. East of us we heard some dogs start barking.

The talking continued. Go forward or go back? Could it be caught or would it remain elusive? What was it? What about the dogs?

There were enough dogs that we could not tell how many there actually were. One of the guys remarked that he was not going to mess with a pack of wild dogs. I thought he was right, but couldn’t commit to going back quite yet. So, we stood.

Talking continued. A minute passed, and the dogs, like the light, were clearly getting closer but were not quite yet close.

We started the walk north. We had walked more than an hour chasing the elusive light. My buddy and I talked about turning around and pursuing the light further and letting the other two go back to the truck on their own. We talked about how we had already gone so far and the light did seem closer. We talked about it, but our feet never stopped carrying us northward down the tracks.

It took us 26 minutes to get back to the truck. It was about 1 in the morning.

There was a little talk once we got back on the road, but overall things were pretty quiet.

It didn’t take ten minutes of driving before I regretted not running towards the light. We were close, but not there. I didn’t touch the light.

But I did see it. It was definitely there.

Why some people wear sunglasses inside... (or Psychosomatic Unity Revisited)

“You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes”
Song of Solomon 4:9

It happens rarely where I live now, but it really bothers me when I walk by someone and they keep their eyes pointed down towards the sidewalk.

A brother called me out on something this past week and I couldn’t respond until I had turned my eyes away from his.

I’ve learned that if you lean in close to someone and look intently in their eyes it is either very intimate or really awkward.

Anoop sounds great but is having a hard time looking into the camera as he sings his song.

For the last seven weeks I have been conducting interviews for summer staff positions. A lot of people find it difficult to maintain eye contact in that situation.

The human eye. Even if you just look at your own eyes in the mirror you can tell that there is more to a person than the physical body.

They say that the eye is the window to the soul. I believe it. I think that is why they shut the eyelids of the dead.

All these things confirm to me Scripture’s teaching that we are more than material. We are also immaterial. We are a psychosomatic unity. We are not merely material bodies (soma). We are also made up of an inner part (the psyche/spirit). This is not just an abstract idea or an inconsequential biblical concept. It is something that can be seen on the face of everyone you meet.

You can find the story of the whole world in someone’s eye.
Beauty.
Shame.
Hope.
Light.
Intimacy.
Guilt.
Life.
Material and Immaterial.
Mystery.

“When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness.” – Luke 11:34

and back

"Time crumbles things."
Aristotle

Thing’s have been busy, but I’m back now. I’m back, meaning that I plan to resume writing, but it doesn’t quite mean that I have anything to say at the moment...

I just finished reading Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. My favorite line from the book:
“Beauty’s attractive.”

I also like his commentary on friendship as the frustrated Bernard lashed out at his two trustworthy companions:
“One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer (in a milder and symbolic form) the punishments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies.”

And lastly, I liked this phrase about time:
“Five minutes later roots and fruits were abolished; the flower of the present rosily blossomed.”

Recruiting, nerves, and walking by the Spirit

"For all these good things 'man needs the help of Heaven and Destiny.'"
Marcus Aurelius in Meditations

Last week I went recruiting for Camp Willow Run. Thursday night I went with Jeremy to NCSU. Friday night I drove by myself to JMU.

Each time I went prepared to do a 2-3 minute plug for CWR during the announcements of an InterVarsity large group meeting. I had my tri-fold display board in tow.

Thursday night I was rather nervous. Less so on Friday.

As I attempted to sing along to the songs Thursday night, I also made an ineffective attempt to calm myself down. I asked myself why it was that I was so nervous.

Earlier, I was prepped for “going recruiting.” I have a lot of respect for my boss and I tend to find that he has things figured out. So, when he told me to use this phrase, and make sure that this sentence came before that one, and to watch my time, and to be ready to shake such and such’s hand, I took note.

Thursday night during the last song before my 3-minute announcement:
“Luke, why are you so nervous? You have got to calm down. You wouldn’t be this nervous if you were going up there to talk about Scripture.
Yeah, but that’s different. I get nervous for that too, but then I just pray.
So just pray now.
Yeah, it’s not the same. If I were speaking about Scripture I would be trying to convey the words of God. I’m nervous now because I’m trying to speak the words of Robbie. And besides, when I prepare for Bible study I have the Spirit as my tutor. For this I only have Robbie as my tutor.
Well, just make the Spirit your tutor here.
Ohh yeah. I didn’t think of that.”

A couple of comments... one, I’d really rather not have too much psychoanalysis going on as a result of this post. Yes, I have a lot of conversations in my head (I even sometimes get lost in the deeper ones...). And no, Robbie is not higher on my list of persons that I fear than Jesus.
Second, this was an important reminder to me that we are called to live and walk in the Spirit. He is guiding us and He is constantly conforming us more and more into the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29). While this doesn’t mean that my announcement about camp was Spirit-empowered, it does mean that even that experience is contributing to the process of making me a little more like Jesus.
So, I’m trying to eliminate some of the false divisions I have in my life. There are divisions between the things that I believe the Spirit will work in and the things that I think are just up to me to handle. But really, God wants it all.

“It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory.”
1 Corinthians 15:43

Rocky Mount, Redemption, and Dead Lions

“Man finds nothing so intolerable as to be in a state of complete rest, without passions, without occupation, without diversion, without effort.
Then he faces his nullity, loneliness, inadequacy, dependence, helplessness, emptiness.
And at once there wells up from the depths of his soul boredom, gloom, depression, chagrin, resentment, despair.”
Number 622 of Pascal’s Pensées

Last night I went with a friend to Rocky Mount to see a movie. The movie was alright.

We got to the theater late. As I scanned the seats for a good place to sit I noticed that, for the most part, people sat together in clusters. After stepping in front of a seated couple, we took a seat. At the other end of our row sat an old man who was alone and had to leave in the middle of the movie with a bad cough.

Towards the end of the movie a group of kids ran into the theater yelling, screaming, and laughing. They left as quickly as they came.

After the movie, I was waiting for my friend to come out of the bathroom. As I leaned against the wall I noticed the group of kids that I suspect had been running around. An officer and manager were detaining them. They were a couple of girls and boys and none of them looked like they were over fourteen. Standing there, they shouted at passing friends, made phone calls, and snickered at the officer.

From the theater we went to Cook Out. In the past, a trip to Rocky Mount nearly required stopping at the “home of the best tray” around. I love a Cajun chicken sandwich with a corndog, fries, and a huge sweet tea (4.25 + tax). Now that there is a Cook Out in Roanoke Rapids there is less pressure to make a visit happen when in Rocky Mount, but we went anyways. It’s just too good. I am being sincere when I say that a chocolate cheesecake shake is a glimpse of glory...

I pulled my truck into the adjacent parking lot. I pulled up next to a couple of pimped out cars. The drivers talked to one another while they remained in their seats behind the wheel. My radio was off, but I am certain that the bass line on “Politik” didn’t stand a chance against the beats that came thumping across the two parking spaces between me and the group of guys in their cluster of Hondas.

As we sat eating our food, talking about the movie, musing about girls, and making plans for life we saw the kids cross the busy highway that was in front of us. They didn’t seem to have a care in the world. The one who kept his hand on his crotch attempted to leap over the deep ditch from the road to the parking lot.

Perhaps he should have pulled his pants up before making the jump.

As he grimaced in pain the girls laughed. One of the boys took little notice as he continued to grope the girl he was with.

Eventually they navigated their way across the ditch and passed us by. We saw them again about twenty minutes later. They were still laughing, shouting, and groping.


The whole evening was a reminder to me.
Last night I experienced the pleasure of friendship. It’s good to have someone to talk to and hang out with. The 50 minute drive, the movie, and dinner were all better (in my opinion) because they were experienced with someone else.
Last night I saw people all around me implicitly agree that life is enjoyed while in community.
Last night I saw the good of God’s solution to the problem that He assessed in His statement that “it is not good that the man be alone” (Genesis 2:18).
But I also saw that things are not the way they were meant to be. The effects of the Fall and the curse were visible everywhere. The good of life has been tainted and corrupted.

Last night was a reminder that I have not found anything that explains the world I see and experience better than Scripture. It explains everything. Not only does it assess our situation, but in it is offered a solution.
The solution to our broken world is Christ. He is the solution because He is the one through whom redemption comes.

Redemption.

“But he who is joined with all the living has hope, for a living dog is better than a dead lion.” (Ecclesiastes 9:4)

A Week With Abigail

This past week I kept a dog for some friends. The dog’s name is Abby (it might be Abbey... I’m not sure). She’s less than a year old and, while being a good dog, she can become uncontrollably excited rather quickly. Here are some funny things from my week with Abby...

- She seems to be a bit afraid of the dark. So, if it was dark she wouldn’t leave my side. On Monday I went on a quick trip up to Richmond. When I got back to Littleton it was very cold and I was eager to get in bed. However, Abby had waited patiently in my kitchen for my return. I felt like she ought to play for a bit, so, around midnight, I took her ought to play. I tried to get her to just run around some, but she seemed skittish because of the dark and the leaves rustling in the wind. So, had you come by camp around midnight you would have found me running up and down the field with a flashlight and a dog close by.


- No matter how much I walked her around in the woods, Abby refused to use the bathroom until she got into the middle of the camp field. It is like she would hold it until I let her out of the woods.


- Wednesday night two friends came to camp at the end of the work day. They went down to the dock to watch the sunset while I made a quick run to the hardware store with Abby. Upon our return, Abby, along with Scott (who came with us from the store) headed down to the dock to join the girls. Abby started to use the bathroom in the middle of the field and I chased her to the woods. She just stood there and seemed to wonder why I had disrupted her. She seemed unwilling to go at that point so we headed down to the dock. We got about 15 feet out when she decided that she didn’t really like walking on the dock. She stopped. I continued. She whimpered. I continued. I joined Mallory, Catherine, and Scott at the end of the dock while keeping an eye on Abby. She left the dock and started playing in the rip-rap (rocks around the bulkhead/shoreline). Eventually she fell in the water. In spite of the fact that the water was cold she played in it for a bit. Seeing that she was fine, I sat down and turned my attention to the others. In the meantime, Abby got out of the water and finally attended to her previously unfinished business and relieved herself in the sand at the end of the dock. Then, somehow, she made her way down the dock without any of us realizing it. We knew she was there when she came running into our backs with her cold, wet, stinky, sandy body. I felt bad for the girls as they were wearing nice clothes. At some point, in her excitement to be at the end of the dock, Abby threw up. Ohh Abby.


- Thursday night: There was a report that someone in the community was missing (that person was later found). When I heard the news it caused a certain level of paranoia. While I had no reason to believe that anyone would go to camp, I was annoyed with myself for leaving the baggage car (my home) unlocked. I was doing some painting at someone else’s house when I got a call that an alarm was going off at camp. The person who called also indicated that his dog had been acting a little strange that night. This certainly increased the paranoia and I decided I better head over to check things out. I loaded Abby in the truck and we went over to camp. The time was about 10pm and it was dark. I parked in the parking lot next to the flagpoles and saw that the alarm was the car alarm on the camp car (it’s a Tracer – awesome). I grabbed a flashlight out of the truck and my camp keys. I made Abby get out and join me in the cold dark. I delayed investigating what was going on with the camp car to go check out the baggage car and upgrade my flashlight to a bigger one that I had in my bedroom. After checking all my rooms and locking up the baggage car I went over to the office to get the keys to the camp car. I walked over to where it was. I was very much on edge. I told Abby to keep watch as she reluctantly approached the Tracer with me. I couldn’t get the car alarm off no matter what button I pressed or even when I cranked the car. So, I decided to disconnect the battery. As I got a wrench out of the truck Abby barked at something and then ran under the truck. It scared me for sure, but I didn’t see anything. After coaxing her out from under the truck we headed back over to the Tracer. She growled at something again and then cowered away from the Suburban that was parked next to the Tracer (all this time the car horn is still blaring). I then became afraid that someone was in the Suburban. After making myself open the back door, I saw that it was empty. I popped the hood on the Tracer and got to work on the battery. It was really cold (in the lower teen’s) and I could hardly get the cable off the battery terminal. I was concerned that in the cold my hand would slip and connect the two terminals with my wrench (which would have been bad for me). I also told Abby to watch my back as I had my head under the hood and was afraid with every sound that I heard over the car horn was someone getting ready to kill me. Instead of keeping a lookout, Abby got excited and decided that she wanted to either jump on me or up on the engine. So, at that point I was trying to disconnect the battery in the bitter cold with a car horn blaring and a fear that I was in the last minutes of my life as a frightened dog made repeated attempts to jump under the hood of the car. Alas, I got the battery disconnected. The sudden silence startled Abby... which startled me... which made me drop the cable back onto the battery terminal... which reactivated the horn... which startled me... which startled Abby. I removed it once again, closed the hood, and ran to the safety of my truck with the dog leading the way.


It is my stated purpose on this blog, to try to point others to Scripture. I can’t say for certain what the truth is to be learned from what I have written in this post. It could be that life is exciting and contains in it good blessings of laughter and pleasure from the Lord. It could be the reminder that man is part of the created order. His relationships with creation has become distorted and in this fallen world in the age between the cross and the new creation our relationships with the created order are marked by both good and disorder. I guess there are any number of lessons. Whatever the spiritual truth to be gleaned, I had a good week with Abby.

"that strange invisible light of friendship"

The title is a phrase from William Golding's Lord of the Flies.

I have just recently read the book. It was a rush. Thanks Harrison.

A couple of other phrases/lines that I really liked:

"They walked along, two continents of experience and feeling, unable to communicate."

"hope was not necessary and therefore forgotten"

"the sun gazed down like an angry eye"

"a darker shadow crept beneath the swarthiness of his skin"

"that dreadful feeling of the pressure of personality"

"He sunned himself in their new respect"

There was alot of good stuff in the book. If you haven't read it, it's worth the time. A note about the title... Beelzebub (or Beelzebul) is a demonic name that shows up in the Bible a couple of times. Its literal translation is "lord of the flies."

things I thought I would have written about by now...

There are some things that I had planned on blogging about over the past two weeks, it just never really happened...

- I spent some time reflecting on how New Year's celebrations point to man's desire and intense longing for a new beginning... a new start... another chance, in other words, redemption.


- The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards are really interesting. Personal favorites:
#6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.
#25. Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.


- The mound of bat droppings in the episode "Caves" of Planet Earth is disgusting.


- During a staff reunion at CWR it is hard to believe that there is a better place on earth.